What’s your Love Blue Book? The Human Fax Report Part Two

What's your Relational Blue Book Value?
What’s your Relational Blue Book Value?

Well, here we go again –

It’s Human Fax Report Part Two and you are here to check on your relationship value.  I look forward to hearing about what you need to get fixed and how you are going to go about that fix…

I promise that if you take this seriously, it will help your relationships immensely…

  • How is your Power Train (spiritual condition)? Are you connected to God?
  • What sort of roads can you handle and do you tend to drive upon?
  • How much mileage do you have? Were most of the miles easy or hard? How many miles to the gallon do you get? (Speaks of emotional/relational energy)
  • Describe your make and model? Are you a Porsche or an Ice Cream Truck? What is your current price tag? How much are you worth in the Relationship Blue Book? What do you base that on?
  • What parts have been taken from you? How have you been stripped? Do you sense that there are missing parts and what does that mean for you? Replacements?
  • Have you been careful to have regular oil changes (emotional, spiritual, mental refills) or do you ride along until you hurt your overall condition causing permanent damage to self and others?
  • What are the seemingly benign glitches you just let be? Why?
  • How often do you get a wash? A detail?
  • Who else besides you do you allow to drive your life?
  • If you keep running as you are, how long do you think it will take for you to require a push? Who do you have in your life that you call on for a push?
  • Can you move forward or do you just look backwards? Have good rearview mirrors? (Are the things of the past closer than they appear?)
  • Are you high-maintenance requiring tons of upkeep by someone else or are you low-maintenance and able to roll on without much support from someone else?
  • If someone kicked your tires, would they pop?
  • What is your safety rating? Should people worry about crashing when driving along with you?
  • Are you dependable?
  • Can you be driven long-distances or do you overheat when you are made to wait?
  • How many owners have you had? Did they treat you well? Rag you out?
  • How big are your blind spots? What are things you cannot see to the right and left of you that threaten your safety if you make any sudden changes?
  • Do your lights work?
  • Do your brakes work? Can you put a stop to a relationship firmly or are you a brake pumper who can never seem to let go, even at obvious relational red lights?
  • What sort of driver are you suited for?
  • Do your windshield wipers work when a relational storm hits?
  • Are there any dead things in your trunk needing to be confessed or buried?
  • Are you a tow truck who makes a habit out of hooking up with broken down humans?

 Human Fax summary: Once you get to know yourself as written about above, it is key that you do not let the information define you. Sometimes when we decide to take a closer look at ourselves, we get depressed by what we discover and identify ourselves with the findings. But, you are not necessarily what it is you found out. You are simply being affected by it.

Sure, the Blue Book might say you are worth five hundred dollars because you can only get around behind a tow truck. But truth is, you can and will be restored if you let yourself enter into a holistic process of healing and transformation.

Yes. You have been broken and some parts of you do not work as well as they should. And while these parts are causing all sorts of relationship problems for you right now, the time will come when you will leave the junkyard once and for all.

 Suggestion: Get a pro therapist to help you deal with your emotional junk and then ask God to reveal your actual value. If you can find a spiritual director in your community, I’d recommend using them to help you with this second part. There seems to be too much self-hate in the hearts of so many of us.

What’s your Relational Blue Book? The Human Fax Report Part 1

I have never understood the Fox - What does this Fox say???
I have never understood the Fox – What does this Fox say???

Okay – You made it back for the Real Human Fax Report…

I think this means you want to see what sort of shape your “relational car” is in?

Do the following exercise and let me know what you come up with – or better yet, let your significant one know what you found…

Onward, brave relationship master of disaster –

Filling out a Human Fax Report

My Human Fax Report: When filling this out, recall that you are thinking of your relational life.

Part One:

  • How have you been wrecked by life/by others? Have you been in fender-benders? Dented? Flipped over and left in a ditch? Did the airbag release? Have you ever felt totaled?
  • Who/What has smashed into you?
  • Who/What have you smashed into?
  • How did the crashes come: Words? Physical abuse? Sexual abuse? Failure? Rejection? Betrayal? Abandonment? Manipulation? Parental Modeling? Selfishness?
  • How much damage did each crash cause? Did it cause visible and/or invisible wounding?
  • What did this/these event(s) bring about? What insecurities did each crash bring about? How much caution/protection do you now have as a result? How much fear of rejection? How much embarrassment? Do you hold onto grudges and unforgiveness? Did you develop patterns of comforting addictions to help you get through?
  • Have you ever taken your life to a good mechanic? Met with a therapist or pastoral counselor? Let a trained someone do some Diagnostics and a Fix? Was there Permanent or Temporary repair?
  • Did you try to do the mechanic work yourself? Or did you just suppress everything under a new paint job and drive on as if the things of the past would not affect your decisions/reactions/responses of the future?
  • What damage still needs to be fixed? What broken pieces are sticking out?

Okay – that’s part one of this sucker – Part Two is coming soon –

Oh yeah, I’m Ben Donley – lover of corporate housing midland and short-term furnished apartments – I say that because I treasure staying in places with amenities beyond my ability to provide for myself.  I also say it because I am a SEO hero and this feels like a good time to trumpet some amazing businesses I really like – Give it up for At Home Corporate Suites as you say hello to your new relationships…

Part Two of the Human Fax is next up!!!  Will you be ready to kick your own tires???

Relationships for “Love Morons” like Me: The Human Fax Report

How about a Human Fax Report???
How about a Human Fax Report???

You want some good relationship advice?

Or are you one of those relational stars who just knows “a friend” who is a relational moron and needs some help?

Well, I am a moron who wants to help out as many other morons as possible.  In other words, I am not qualified to give you a Ted Talk.  I am more qualified to give you a Celery Stalk (I rhymed it there if you didn’t notice.)

Anyway, let’s begin with a few facts before we launch into this read.

Fact #1: Of the two million couples that will get married in the U.S. this year, almost all of those polled report that they are “more in love than they have ever been” and are “positive about their decision to marry.”

Fact #2: Of those two million couples, almost all of them “expect” to be happily married to their spouse for the rest of their lives. (In other words, not many couples predict an imminent marital decline as they are saying or preparing to say “I Do.”)

Fact #3: Hardly anyone gets married just so they can experience divorce. (Divorce is not on most Bucket Lists.)

**With these three facts in mind, one has to wonder why so many people who boldly proclaim “I Do” quickly become those who start screaming, “I Do Not.” Honestly, how does mind-blowing love and togetherness transform into iPad-throwing hate and separation?

Maybe the better question for this relationship blog is this:

What can you do to make sure these things do not happen to you?

We shall attempt to answer with brevity and brilliance with our Preparation Marriage.


Preparation M  (Not to be mistaken with Preparation H)

What should every individual do before taking those risky and beautiful steps down the wedding aisle?

  1. Order a Human-Fax Report

Most people in this country will not even purchase a used car nowadays without finding out about its history. For years, there were far too many lemons sold, far too many bad buys and far too many machines breaking down before the first payment was made.

In response to this problem, some genius out there created a system by which potential car buyers could check out an automobile before making an expensive commitment and plunking down their hard earned cash. This Car-Fax reporting system has been used by millions of people to find out whether the car they are considering has been wrecked or in any way mistreated. People can find out about a driving machine’s repair history and then make an informed decision about the possible purchase. With this information in hand, a buyer can know whether this car is worth the risk.

Now I am not saying that getting married is the exact same thing as buying a car, but one thing the above makes me wonder is why people insist on this sort of intense information gathering when it comes to car buying, but rarely seek to discover the detailed history of a potential mate. I believe this level of tire kicking is necessary, not only for buying a used Audi, but also (and certainly more so) for purchasing a marriage partner. After all, isn’t a life commitment to another human being, who might turn out to be a walking talking lemon, a bigger decision than monthly payments?

I believe this is a huge deal and that is why I advise all of my counselees, before they get married, to fill out a “Human Fax” report (and order one from their mate).

While there is no actual faxing to be done (unless you want to), the idea remains the same — People providing vital and detailed histories about their brokenness, about their past wreckage and about their repair status so that someone else can make an informed decision as to whether or not they want to enter into a commitment.

While it is true that someone can lie about their past and present condition, it is not likely. After all, most people want to be somewhat honest when they step into a relationship because they want the same sort of honesty to come back to them. Thus, the value of this “Human Fax” is huge. It reveals to both parties potential areas of weakness and places in need of repair. And just because a “Human Fax” report exposes these types of things does not mean that a relationship will be a lemon. Just because someone has wreckage does not mean that they are un-drivable. It just brings reality into the open and hopefully draws individuals into the hands of mechanics who are able to help them become “roadworthy.”

To those in pre-dating mode: I recommend that you fill one of these out, too. Even those who do not yet have a significant person in mind for marriage. It is never too early to look under your own hood and to get yourself into the shop. (It has been interesting to work with single individuals on their “Human Fax” reports because what they find are the very problems that have been stalling their romantic pursuits in the first place.)

In the next blog, I have included an example of a “Human Fax” report. It uses symbolic car language. Don’t let that throw you off. Just roll with my weird brain for a bit and answer the questions you feel are relevant.

For those spiritual people out there: As you fill this out, ask God to search you and show you the truth of your condition. If there are lots of problems with your “car”, do not despair. Simply seek repair. If you are filling this form out with a significant other, make sure to offer grace to both them and yourself. Talk together about what must be done so when you take this longest relational road trip of your lives, you will be able to make it to your destination with minimal problems.


By the way, I am Ben Donley, former marriage advisor and current VP of Business Development at Dream Taxi.  I’m also an author and SEO stud.

I’ll see you in the next blog…

Monday’s Scream of Consciousness: Punctuation is for punks


A stream of consciousness that is more like a scream of someone I once knew…

Staring into blue skies with a long term tree pressing into the heights right here in front of me grass is green and the shadow I sit in is quite lovely at a handicapped table no less where signs say I cannot smoke even if I wanted to which I don’t because nicotine doesn’t scratch the itches I have still I approve of the iced caffeine despite its corporate roots who has time to fight the powers that be especially when I don’t care that they make billions off of me well trained baristas keep me coming back and this landscaping warm and colorful and more alive than the TV I’ve been trading my life for lately more alive than even me and my anxiety ridden system that jackhammers through even the best sort of peace Jesus giveth and I giveth it all away to unnecessary worries which require least eternal cares but demand most of every temporary temporal energies why do I listen to their siren cries when these sirens cannot carry a tune or prove enough beauty to persuade why do I aim for the rocks of wreckage when it’s all just going to go away to pass away to burn up and be tossed away in favor of something better I guess it’s the disease in me the one that says I must be great at this game make money leave my marks set up memorable tracks produce goods and make progress and forget that the whole system is hacked to the benefit of the bourgeoisie boardwalk and park place and the dark green properties with hotels around and around to go hoping not to lose the slum shack you built on Baltic avenue get me complaining it’s worse than their voices because I have the choice to hold my tongue shut up I scream after days of trying to play and finding ways to lose every bit of my bankroll living from pay to pay week to week and I put on my noise cancelers try to retune my heart to restart then I end up here Blue skies in sight I can smell the warmth know deeply that while I’ve come apart at the seams and watched every drowned dream sink as rocks sink I can still see beauty in the simplest of things despite the diagnoses that plagued me despite the thief who devoured my best version of identity I can still grasp love or maybe love grasps me either way I’ll accept this alternative in this singular moment and hope it lasts longer this time


Special thanks to Loudsmith Media and the Marketing experts at Dream Taxi for supporting my writing habit and being kind benefactors even when I refuse to use commas and periods…

The Right Songs Part One: Tomorrow’s Modern Thom Yorke

thomyorketomorrow’s modern boxes TODAY!

Hey, I am Ben Donley – marketing, media and SEO guru for DreamTaxi and for Loudsmith – If you need help with branding, optimization, consulting, or becoming a viral sensation, let me know…Otherwise, just read this and become a music feeler like me –

My ears have not been trained by Juilliard and I couldn’t tell you what makes up a great opera or an excellent bassoon solo – But, I have very strong feelings about “the right music” for the right moments in life – How the right songs can propel a crucial moment towards a desired end – How the right songs can lift you up from a deep depression – How the right songs can actually make working out on a stupid elliptical seem meaningful and cool (I look like a total moron on most workout equipment, by the way – but I feel like a total badass if I am rising and falling and sweating to anything by Alt-J – the other day I hit three miles and after watching my life flash before my eyes, I saw Matilda and she told me she liked ALL my freckles…)

Anyway, you know what I am talking about when it comes to intentionally feeling your way into or out of a situation via a musical rocket ship – Drop some Noah and the Whale, First Days of Spring, on yourself when you are sensing that you are the only one in the world who has totally blown it in the most important things and suddenly you are not alone – you are both on his ark and in the belly of that whale – down, but not out!

Slide into a double of Tame Impala shot with Let it Happen and Elephant and try to keep yourself from feeling better than what the world tells you that you must –

(Throw on some Taylor Dayne and just lie down in traffic – that’s the right music to be run over to or better yet, the wrong music for anything good.)

Okay, so we have established my taste patterns and how they tie into emotions – I’ll hit you with more in future days and you can feel free to add your 25 cents

(by the way, I think the saying, “my two cents” is funny and most appropriate nowadays – everyone seems to have an opinion they want to share/feel compelled to share and no matter how wise they think their post, tweet, spoken word, etc. is – it’s only worth two cents – boom – “yes, human, you just put your two cents in, and it was worth exactly that – thanks for stealing a part of my life with your two pennies of opinion.)

But that’s just my two cents – You, on the other hand, can give your take on this subject and it will actually be worth a quarter, which can still buy you a bouncy ball, a sticky hand, or a decent size piece of chewable round sugar –

Enough filler – let’s get to a right song that you might not be aware of – It’s called “Nose Grows Some” and it is a song on Thom Yorke’s latest solo project called, Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes.  First of all, this entire cd is mega underrated – If you don’t own it to play as background for your parties that feature opium-laced martinis and baklava-filled pinatas, then you are doing yourself and your guests a serious disservice – The whole cd is worthy of at least that – own it – allow it to seep into your pores – give it license to push out every memory of Taylor Swift, Rihanna, and Beyonce (et.al).  Why?  Because Thom Yorke ain’t going take kindly to having to share room in your life with death-pop like that – “All you single ladies, get your umbrellas, shake them off, and GET OUT!!!”

Now, to the song, “Nose Grows Some.”

It’s specifically the right song for writers who have writers block because it acts as a shovel for stuck-ness.

For any other non-writer, it will make you feel like you are being slowly jackhammered upwards while being embraced by a really handsome/pretty alien visitor that has pillow-top mattresses for hands – And if that sounds good to you, then put it on repeat.  You will feel energized and asleep at the same time.

No anal probes either, which a plus for me because I just am not a fan of colonoscopies, enemas, or prison time activity…

So, that is it – Listen to “Nose Grows Some” and tell me what you it makes you feel – Weigh in today before the firecrackers pop your fingers off…

Photo on 7-2-15 at 5.11 PM A barista is stalking me – can you see them?

Worst Feelings in the World: Bored

Bored, baby?
Bored, baby?

“I’m so bored.  Just give me something different.”

I know what I got may be good, but I know it all too well.  I’ve seen it all one thousand times straight and even if the grass on the other side is spray painted with pesticide blue, I want to leave this tasty grass I’ve been standing on for years and get un-bored.  I may regret it.  I will regret it.  All the biographies let me know that it’s better to be bored with the good you got than to dump it for some new feelings.

But, I don’t do well with boredom.  And I don’t do well with boardrooms.  I think those are synonyms.

When I feel bored, I make terrible decisions.  Don’t you?

When I feel bored, the options that enter my mind are ones that promise excitement and fun and risk – They are marketed as Neil Peart percussion players on my dopamine receptors – YYZ knocking me into a new world.  They give me a buzz just thinking about how they can slay my boredom – even if its just for a few months, days, hours or even minutes.

And when you end up running from boredom and into arms of the new, you find that they typically deliver a solid drum solo for your neural needs.  But then, the rush ends and the buzz dies and you find yourself wishing you had the good stuff you left behind.

And the problem is that no matter how hard you try to get that old stuff back, you might not be able to.  Go ahead and give yourself a hall pass from your normal and find that you have been expelled forever – bang on that old boring door because at least you could count on what was inside, but ain’t nobody gonna let you back in.  You got the blue grass in your teeth, sucker!

Trade in a spouse for a fling or your boring job for a start-up zing or your tequila for some oxycontin ping-pong songs, and boom, boom, pow – then casket.  Just a matter of time.

Boredom sucks.  I hate the way it feels. But I have to say from experiences (of old) that boredom is a much better feeling than the regret that comes from wishing you had never made major change decisions when you were bored…

That’s the lesson here:  Don’t make big change decisions when you feel bored.

Another lesson is this:  Learn to appreciate boredom – then when you get to go to Six Flags, it will be really fun – even the long lines and the sweltering heat will be fun.

Another smack to your head is this:  Stop being so easily bored.  Boredom comes quickly to the spoiled and entitled.

That’s that.  Just riffing and writing on a Wednesday lunchtime – my cure for boredom.

(I’ll play one hundred hours of Crossy Road and WWF later.  Don’t you worry about me and my bad feelings – unless you see me at a $25 slot machine in Reno.  Then please call my wife and my mommy.  Or just chloroform me and stick me on a Greyhound bus back to the greenish grass I have already.)

Thanks in advance.

By the way, what’s the worst move you have made out of boredom?

Biggest regret?

What’s your current cure?

Are you a spoiled, entitled, and easily bored brat like me?

May the best feelings find you today – at little or no cost to your soul.

In the meantime, read me and share my blogs so I can become famous and change my name to Beezus, move to Tokyo, eat raw fish, and turn myself into an anime creature.

Also, check out my SEO and marketing skills and hire me if you want to spend your money wisely…on a wise guy…

Worst Feelings in the World: Rejected

Send in your resumes for one thousand jobs and get one interview request from Farmer’s Insurance who want you to try commission sales only which sets you up for thousands of other rejections from people who duck and cover when they see you coming with your term life pitch and your whole life “gifts.”

Send out one thousand friend requests and get one acceptance – once again – from Farmer’s Insurance who excitedly congratulates you on trying to build your social media sphere of influence.

Tweet brilliantly about hundreds of topics a hungry and stupid culture usually lap up like lap dogs swilling champagne, but nobody retweets because they wanted more grumpy cat and you gave them happy dachshunds.

Put up a cool new profile pic on linked in and nobody even notices –

Join every dating site and drop some witty words on top of an honest explanation of your world – add boss-dom pics – Wink and flirt, but only the site administrators write back with suggestions about how you might want to prepare for the life of a rejected human.

Do your best to be accepted by someone – anyone – anything – anywhere – but every time you try to gain friendships or even acquaintance relationships, you get nothing but nothing.

Even your selfie sends out secret texts to other selfies begging to be released from your world –

I have feared rejection for my entire life, but as I age and age and age past any levels of potential coolness, I’m starting to reject rejection like a crappy replacement kidney.  Getting acceptance is way too hard – You have to look right or smell right or make people laugh or stop eating your nose mucous at stop lights – forget it –

I’ve accepted the fullness of rejection – I laugh at it – It doesn’t control me anymore like it did when I was Kanye – when I became Caitlyn –

I am me and if you want to set me aside for whatever reason, good for you.  I don’t need your love.  I don’t need to be at your party or at your party’s after-party.  I don’t need a hug.  I am a rock and I am an island.  A rock feels no pain.  And an island never cries.

I’m kidding.  I need all of you on the planet to think I am a badass – a creative, hilarious force of skin and bone – an unrejectable dance partner at the club – a perfect centerpiece for your life –

To quote Sally Field poorly:  “Love me.  Really love me.”

And if you don’t, prepare for my random attacks.  Reject a man long enough and he either goes away or he comes at you with Sharknado force. It’s your choice.

Accept me or die.  I sharpen my teeth and load my compound bow just in case you decide to make me into the nobody I feel like.

Now to be serious, I am interested:  How has rejection and the fear of rejection made you into the person that you are?  Are you desperate for acceptance?  Why?  Do you really think that other people and other organizations and cats deserve all of your effort to get their non-rejection?

Cuz, they don’t sucka!

Wake up and embrace thy unattractiveness, thy rejectability, thy out of touchness –

Better to be earth-rejected than to be a worldly fame seeker – Too much maintenance on that side of the game.

Read the Bible and become a Jesus alien who phones home regularly – There’s only one acceptance that counts.  I got that in my front pocket and I know it will spend forever!

And yet, there are still many days I wish I was Rihanna…

and nights when I think about doing some MCAT prep to gain some instant acceptance in the medical world – Doctor Who?  Doctor ME!!!

Then I realize that Rihanna is a woman and that the MCAT is too hard –

What shall I do with myself?  I won’t reject me no matter what – I’m all that I’ve got sometimes.

Ever feel like this???  You want to join my Fight Club so I can stop punching myself in the face?


Useless – Worst Feelings in the World Stream

I’ll apologize for how useless the following stream is now so I won’t have to later – Sorry –

How I tried to be so useful even to the point of being invaluable but then I hit a wall or two at 900 mph and find I am useless – Maybe not useless in an eternal sense – Maybe not useless to ducks I throw bread to – maybe not useless as a future organ donor or as a future cadaver for medical school students who need a body to practice on – but useless to this culture in the here and now.  I cannot do anything to help anyone else.  I’m not technologically savvy or at least I am losing ground with each passing e-second.  I don’t know CPR.  I refuse to do public Heimlich maneuvers.  I cannot act, sing, be handsome, or effectively hunt down ISIS members.  I could lie on my resume and maybe convince someone that I am good for something, but I know the lazy parts of my insides and how the daily shortcutting will lead them to know I am good for nothing.

To be good for nothing – To be useless – is quite common I know.  The majority of people are useless but that doesn’t help me feel better.

So, I’ll sit here in this coffeehouse look around and get the happy legal jitters while staving off the bitterness – watch people trying to make deals on realty, essential oils, skinny wraps, and affiliate marketing traps – view the youngsters who still think they have potential to be useful trying to study up and become someone special – give thanks I’m not doing damage to people like i used to – and wait until the rest of my hair falls out.

Sidenote:  i wonder if there are pieces of my hair that think about how useless they have been – how useless they are – Is that why some of them jump off of my head and to their deaths?

bald Stop hair suicide!!!  Encourage your hair daily…

And check out Mesus – my latest book – if you get the chance and if you have the desire to discover deeper levels of odd uselessness.